Slayers in our world
by caycowa
Summary: See the slayers take a tour of the sewer system, break into high schools to steal math text books and free the poor defenseless tigers from the zoo. This and more in this story. No repeat no author insertion. Please R


Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers, it belongs to someone else. Maybe someday but not now.   
Warnings: There are no warnings. If you find anything objectionable please E-mail me.   
  
Introduction: See the Slayers deal with everyday troubles. Okay maybe not, really who takes a tour of the sewer system, breaks into high schools to steal math text books and frees the poor defenseless tigers from the zoo?  
I would greatly appreciate any ideas as to what they could discover next. Future chapters are already in progress.   
  
Notes: If there some jokes you don't understand like the fry one don't worry about it. There really not that important, they're really just jokes for people who watch the same shows as me. There well be a joke bar a the end.  
  
  
  
Slayers in our world   
  
Chapter one: Slayers vs. Sanitation commission   
  
In a city somewhere in the world, it could be yours, it could be mine, something so horrible so evil I cannot bear to mention its names has been awakened. A situation that could only have occurred when the ultra rare event of someone putting metal in the microwave and a star going nova. Thanks a lots Fry. The quantum time continuum was disrupted and the  
most unspeakable thing occurred. Not that we don't want the slayers in our world but do we really need the chaos, destruction, and food shortages. Do you really think that the world can survive the presence of Xelloss?   
  
On a dark and stormy night, somewhere in the world. In a dark and crappie alley somewhere a sewer cover pops up and a dark and mysterious figure emerges .   
  
Oh my god that was disgusting! yells a hot tempered red head as she climbs out of the sewer. Move it you guys   
Back in the sewer below the others excluding Xelloss, Amelia, and Zelgadiss are standing knee deep in you know. Xelloss and Zelgadiss are luckily floating above the others heads. Amelia is sitting it the water ( if that's really what it is ) after getting shoved it there by Xelloss.   
That was so unjust, Xelloss Says Amelia.   
Is it really, I thought it was beautiful, and respectable replies Xelloss.   
Can you to move yells Martina I need to get out of here, it stinks real bad   
You don't need to, you want too says Xelloss you just think you need too   
I don't care move!!!   
Lina asks Gourry where are we?   
I donno   
What's that Lina? asks Xelloss where'd you say we are?   
I don't know where we are replies' Lina.   
If you don't know where we are, than why did you say you did?   
I didn't say I knew where we are growls Lina.   
Why didn't you just say so in the first place?   
That's it Xelloss! yells Lina I'm so gon-   
Below her there is a loud splash.   
Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!   
Icky   
  
Lina turns around and sticks her head back into the sewer. Xelloss is floating face down in the water. All around him everybody is covered in the sludge. Except Zelgadiss who was still floating above the others.   
  
Why Zelgadiss-san asks Amelia in a whiny voice why?   
Because says Zelgadiss in an emotionless voice. He floats up to the sewer hole, and goes through to the other world.  
A world where everything doesn't smell like crap.   
  
Now that Zelgadiss had managed to distracted Lina, Martina was able to climb out of the sewer. She forced her husband, Zangulas to carry her big gavu star skull thing out for her. She had been using it to float on the sludgy water. In a desperate effort to save her life from the falling Xelloss, she used as a shield. Twis saving her cloths from the goo with only the sacrifice of everything below her knees.  
Damn it, these boots cost me a bundle   
Zangulas' head appears from the man hole. He is sweating.  
Take it! Take it! he manages to spit out trying to give Martina her gavu star. He faints and falls back into the sewer. Splashing everyone whose down there, again.   
Ewwwwwww whines Amelia, wiping the stuff from her eyes Xelloss stop it   
Oh blame me why don't you says Xelloss, shaking his head like a dog to get the crap out of his hair. After tying that and not succeeding he snaps his fingers and his all clean.  
You mean you didn't splash us? questions Amelia in her best apolgetic voice. Which can only be obtained trough rigorous dedication and training don't you no. All persons of high standing have to learn to be polite and caring in all situation, in order to maintain there respect and obtain their trust. You see Amelia really doesn't like Xelloss, she's only faking. Xelloss is of course well aware of this face, being that Amelia can only hide her emotion physically. We all now that will never stop a Mazoku, Amelia however remaining blissfully unaware of this fact.   
Sore wa himitsu desu replies Xelloss, happy smile on his face. _  
_Amelia stands up and walks over to the man hole.   
Zelgadiss-san could you help me up please? she says looking up to the hole.   
_That's the ticket _ thinks Amelia _act all innocent and than when he lest expects it, Bam, marriage proposal_._  
_ Clime up your self   
_Bastard_  
  
************************  
  
After about an hour, our sludge covered friends have finally managed to escape from the sewer. In some odd freakish turn of events they've all managed to survive the experience'.  
An hour you say, how could it have taken them a hour to escape?  
Well Xelloss and Gourry got in a sludge fight, need I sat more?  
You want more details? Okay lets go back and take a look.  
  
Xelloss! Gourry! stop it! Yells Lina at the top of her lungs, looking back into the sewer.  
Down there Xelloss has decided that throwing ..... um ........ stuff is fun. Gourry has decided that it is fun too. Gourry really only pertens to have the brain power of a turnip, but really has the brain capacity of a cabbage. What did you expect? Well no I'm kidding, actually he's real smart. It's just that he has a terrible memory.   
Getting hit in the head all the time isn't helping. You'd think he'd tell Lina that its really just a memory thing so she'd stop whomping him on the noggin, but he can't remember. Sad huh?  
  
Anyway Gourry dodges a toilet paper roll, grabs a goats head and chucks it at Xelloss. Xelloss phazed away, returning a couple of feet from his previous position.  
Damn it you two, stop it! Lina yells again Don't make me come down there!   
You want to go back down? asks Martina with a disgusted look.  
Well no, not really says Lina.   
  
A pile of sludge hits her in the face. Growling Lina wipes her face with her hand. Than peels off the glove and puts it in her pocket. Too say Lina was pissed right now would not only be an understatement it would be a death sentence to whoever said it.  
She was going to kill the person responsible. Considering there were only two people who could have do it, she would get her man!  
_What morons, want goddamn idiots were responsible _Thought Lina _all get you!  
_  
The person stupid enough to do such an unspeakable act. She'd already ruined her pants, boots, and cloak in this escapade. Lina didn't like to spend lots of money, unless of course someone else is paying. But she was by no means cheap.  
_I'll kill whoever did this!_ Thought Lina angrily _unless of course it was Gourry, then I'll just beat him._  
Lina is the self-proclaimed master sorceress puts a high price on her clothes. She's never cheap when it comes to her safety. All her clothes, in fact everything she wears is enchanted against magic. Not that it would always protect her against injury but its pretty embarrassing if someone fireballs off your cloths. Its to be noted that Zelgadiss' cloths are also enchanted, while Amelia's' are not.   
  
Down in the pit, Gourry has managed to nail Xelloss right in the face. Xelloss laughs and they start looking for more things to throw.   
At that moment they spot a small circular object floating towards them. They look at the object, they look at each other, they look at the object again ... and freak out.  
Xelloss runs around in circles before he phazes away.  
Gourry runs for and up the slippery ladder. He comes up, jumps at Lina and lands on her.  
Get off, you idiot! Yells Lina your dirty   
What are you doing Gourry-san asks Amelia polity.  
_Get a room _thinks Amelia.  
Gourry, whoa there's people says Zangulas, smiling.  
You pervert! says Martina. hitting her husband on the head with her boot.  
_Why does everyone get to express there opinion but me! Really if it wasn't for the ultimate power I'll possess someday. I'd hate being a princess _Thinks Amelia_.  
_Lina having finally fires herself from below the blonde swordsman, and starts beating him into a bloody plop.  
You idiot! (hit) what the hell (smack) were you (smash, smash) trying to do! (bash) yells Lina, her face as red as her hair.  
(ouch) Don't you remember, I'm you-   
Shut up ( slap) I know I know Yells Lina lifting him up by the collar But you don't do that in public!   
Martina and Amelia exchange glances.   
I can't protect you in public? asks Gourry confused.  
What?   
I can't protect you in public? Repeats Gourry.  
_Ohhh ..... _Thinks Lina.  
Protect me from what?   
_Even though I'm enjoying this _thinks Xelloss _I think it'll get even better if I tell them._  
A bomb says Xelloss simply.  
A what?! yells Lina.  
Oh shit! says Amelia, quickly covering her mouth. Then putting back on the nice, nice act says Oppsies giving her best smile.  
Zelgadiss' still leaning against the brick wall of one of the building there in between.   
Its probably down stream by now he says not even turning to look at them. He is far to busy watching the people out on the street.  
There are very strange people, they wore funny clothes and did funny things.  
_Where in the seven hells are we? _ Thinks Zelgadiss, as a car drives by.  
  
Elsewhere in the city. In a park we see a very strange man, dressed in strange cloths. He is standing about twenty feet from another strangely dressed lady. The man is dressed in long flowing deep blood red robes. He's about six and half feet tall. As people walk by they stare at him, and he only stares back at them griping his silver staff that is nearly as tall as him. He looks around, taking in the strange sights and the weird people. He looks up at the sky, the sun is setting making the sky a pretty red and purple. The people in the park walk pasted him on they're way home from work.  
_So that's blue _Thinks Rezo.  
I must have died and gone to heaven Says Rezo earning himself a stare from the businessman walking by.  
I'm married! Yells the man before running away.  
Rezo just stares at him as he trips over a garbage can and goes flying into a teenager caring her school books.  
Nice   
The strangely dressed lady steps out in to the shadows.  
Your not from around here are you? She says walking towards the priest.  
No, not really He says turning to face the voice.  
He turns to she a lady of about twenty wearing next too nothing. She the same height as him. She has a what looks like a bikini on with large shoulder pads. On her feet are black boots that rise just below her knees. On her head is a black leather headband. She sports a neckless with a skull on it that is nestled right between her breasts.   
Neither I'm I she says laughing, and grabbing Rezo into a big bear hug. I'm Naga and your name is, sweet thing?   
I'm in hell!   
  
  
Today's mission ................... Failed.  
  
  
  
To be continued.  
  
  
Joke bar:  
1. The joke with Fry, metal in the microwave and a star going Nova are all from the same episode of Futurama'. It's the one were they go back in time.   
2. The goats head is from the first episode of Pj's project' I think. Its when the superintendent is asking the voodoo lady what she flushed down the toilet to block it up. She says just a goats head wraped in paper towel. He says how many times do I have to tell you no flushing paper towel.  
3. The today's mission .... failed is from the anime Excel saga'. It appears at the end of each episode. If you haven't seen this show I suggest that you do it is so funny. Its kindda like the first few episodes of Tenshi ni Norman'* on even more sugar.  
*Heaven project, I wanna be an angel, I''ll become an angel or Tenshi ni Norman its all the same thing.   



End file.
